Could I Have Unforgiveness?

Minibook PDF Download Could I have Unforgiveness? 

The Scheme of Unforgiveness

“What’s wrong with you? You’re not your bubbly self lately,” came the question from a close
friend. “Oh, nothing,” I replied, as I thought to myself, “If one more person asks me what’s
wrong, I think I’ll scream.”

But I had to wonder, “Was there something wrong with me? Had I really lost my joy?” It
seemed liked everyone could see it but me. I finally realized something was very wrong when
I woke up one morning and found myself wanting to quit everything. I went to my husband,
John, and told him what I was feeling. I wanted to withdraw from everything and everyone.
“We can still go to church,” I told him, “but I don’t want to be around people or minister to
anyone anymore. Do you think I need help?”

John and I went out for dinner that night and discussed everything we could think of to help
us figure out what was going on with me. On our way back home, we realized only a word
from God could give us the answer we were looking for.

That night we prayed and as we were seeking the Lord, I heard John’s voice in the silence,
“You have unforgiveness for three people,” and he listed them. As he spoke, I knew he was
right. The word of the Lord had broken the blindness, but suddenly I felt paralyzed. I thought
to myself, “He’s going to have to take authority over this.” Just then, John began taking
authority over the spirit of unforgiveness. I was then able to face the hurts I had buried in my
heart and I forgave each one by the grace of God.

Over the prior nine-month period, unforgiveness had robbed my joy and choked the Word of
God in my heart. I felt like I was spiritually starting all over again. My joy had returned, but I
wondered how could I have been so totally blind-sided. How could this have gained such a
hold on me without my awareness? I asked the Lord to show me how this had happened and
to teach me how to recognize unforgiveness.

He began to reveal that I had set up a standard of performance for these people, and when they
did not live up to my expectation, I was offended and hurt. In my case, they were all people in
authority. I thought I had a right to expect a higher standard of performance from them.
Afterall, they are leaders, they are fathers, they are older, wiser, they should know better, right?
On the contrary, we all need the mercy and grace of God. The Lord began to show me how to
extend mercy and grace instead of judgment.

The one person I have learned to forgive the most over the years is me. We often place
unreasonable expectations not only on others but on ourselves as well. Unreasonable
expectations open our heart for depression, guilt, disappointment, condemnation, and self-loathing.
You may recognize it as just a general feeling of yuckiness.

We are saved by faith through grace, not of ourselves, but it is a gift of God. By faith we are
made the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, and by faith we are sanctified. By faith we
receive the finished work of the cross in our life, and by faith we extend mercy and grace to
ourselves and to others. We cannot fix ourselves through our own self efforts. Jesus is the
author and finisher of our faith, not us. Apart from Him, we can do nothing that produces
eternal life and true joy.

In 2 Corinthians 2:11, Paul stresses the importance of forgiveness, “…lest Satan should take
advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices.” The Lord revealed to me four specific
devices or schemes that Satan frequently uses to trap us and keep us in unforgiveness.

1. Complaining
   Colossians 3:13 says, “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies,
   kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one
   another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also
   must do.”
   
   Complaints come in many forms: fault finding, murmuring, indignation, grievances,
   dissatisfaction, resentment, placing blame, and so on. I have learned when I hear myself
   complaining, it’s time to forgive. Complaining is the opposite of believing the promises of
   God. Complaining is the opposite of thanksgiving.
   
   In many ways we all have fallen short of the glory of God, but through Jesus and the finished
   work of the cross, we stand righteous and forgiven of all in Him. Knowing this enables us to
   extend that same mercy and grace to others and to give thanks for them.
   
   
2. Denial
   Many people deal with unforgiveness by trying to convince themselves that they were never
   really hurt or wronged, so therefore, they have nothing to forgive.
   
   When you hear yourself saying statements like, “I don’t care what they think, it doesn’t matter
   to me;” or “I understand why they did that, they have their own problems;” look out!
   
   These statements might not be so bad if they were followed by, “So I forgive them,” but when
   they are used to deny the need to forgive, they are dangerously deceptive.
   
   Pride hates to admit that we have been hurt, that we are that vulnerable. We often like to think
   we are a rock, an island unto ourselves, and no one can hurt us. But the fact is the actions of
   others often do affect us whether we want to admit to it or not. Understanding why your parents
   got divorced does not make it any less painful. Understanding why your father was too busy
   to come to any of your school events does not make it any less disappointing.
   
   We generally don’t want to face up to our hurts and disappointments. We often try to bury the
   pain by making excuses and hardening our heart, but burying things in our heart is like trying
   to hold a beach ball under water, no matter how hard you try, at some point it is going to pop
   out. The things we hold in our heart affect everything we say and do whether we are aware of
   it or not. When I find myself reasoning to convince myself that I’m not really hurt, it’s time to
   face the fact that I am and just forgive.
   
   If we harden our heart by building walls and barricading the gates, the sad truth is no one gets
   in and no one gets out. Love is no longer freely given or received.
   
   Proverbs tells us to “keep our heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” I
   enjoy having a soft and pliable heart before God and I am determined to keep it that way. A
   simple, “I forgive so and so by faith for exactly what they did or even what ‘I think they did’
   in the Name of Jesus,” takes care of the seeds of unforgiveness before they become giant oak
   trees of bitterness and resentment.
   
   
3. Anger
   Anger does not see a need to forgive. Anger believes, “If I forgive, it’s like saying it was okay
   that you did that to me, go ahead, do it again.”
   
   Forgiveness is NOT saying it is okay. If it were okay, there really would be nothing to forgive.
   Forgiveness is saying “You did me wrong, you owe me, but I release you from the debt, I
   forgive you and I do not hold this against you any longer.”
   
   Jesus said, “…if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him
   alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” Jesus did not say when your brother has
   been nice to you. Jesus did not say complain to the pastor or tell your best friend and then run
   it by everyone else, but rather go to your brother or sister. Many times, within the church, I
   have found that there were a lot more misunderstandings going on than actual sinning against
   one another. I do not say this to minimize times when we actually have been wronged, but
   whether or not your brother or sister has actually sinned against you, or there is just a simple
   misunderstanding, it is in both of your highest good to get it out and be given an opportunity
   to restore the relationship.
   
   You may find times where the Lord leads you to forgive a denomination or a whole
   organization where you have felt cheated or lied to. We need to let it go so we can move on.
   
   
4. Withdrawal
   Some people withdraw when they are hurt. They believe if they don’t get too close to anyone,
   they won’t get hurt again. That used to be the way I dealt with most of my hurts. I can tell you
   from experience, it does not work.
   
   Relationships are the conductors of life. Ephesians 4:16 tells us, “…we are joined and knit
   together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part
   does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.”
   
   If you have had a bad experience with some people, do not cut yourself off from the body of
   Christ. Ask the Lord to guide you into the relationships He has ordained for you. We need one
   another!

Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?” It is
generally accepted that the rabbinical rules of the day called for one to forgive three times
before they could demand retribution. Peter must have thought he was being quite generous
when he asked, “Up to seven times?” Jesus answered him, “I do not say to you, up to seven
times, but up to seventy times seven.” Jesus was teaching the disciples forgiveness is
something we walk in continually. It’s our way of life.

In Matthew 6:11-12, Jesus teaches us to forgive and receive forgiveness daily when we pray,
“Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” I like
to call it keeping our accounts short.

Years ago, my sister worked with someone who would regularly try to undermine her
confidence and was generally obnoxious to her. Every day she would forgive him. This went
on for several weeks, and one day she noticed she no longer needed to forgive him because
she had begun to walk in forgiveness for this young man, seven times seventy. Praise God!
Jesus said in Mark 11:26, “…if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive
your trespasses.” I do not believe this is because God stops loving us when we refuse to forgive,
but rather we have shut the door of our heart to receive from Him. God will not, based on His
Word, force us to open our heart.

Forgiveness is one of the foundational principles of our faith. By faith we receive the
forgiveness of all our sins through the blood of Jesus Christ, and by faith we forgive one
another.

Webster defines forgiveness as a willingness to pardon an offense or a debt and a willingness
to treat the offender as not guilty. It is our choice to be willing to forgive and then allow the
mercy and grace of God to flow through us. Once you begin to freely receive the Father’s love
and forgiveness toward us based on what Jesus has done, you can then freely extend that same
love and forgiveness to others. Let the river flow!

Prayer
As you read through this mini booklet, you may have had people or organizations come to
your mind you know you need forgive. The following prayer is here to help you get started.
Father, according to your Word, You made me alive together with Jesus, having forgiven me
all my trespasses and wiping out the handwriting of requirements that was against me,
which was contrary to me. You have taken it out of the way, and nailed it to the cross.
In obedience to your Word, I forgive ______________
for _______________________________
even as You, Father God, in Christ Jesus have forgiven me.
Amen.